Lady of My Life
by Severine Halo
Summary: Stranded in the middle of Gran Pulse, Hope deals with the loss of his mother on her birthday. He tries to find comfort in Lightning, who has her own loss to deal with. One-shot.


A/N: A one shot that takes place in the middle of the game. Enjoy.

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Hope stared up at the Pulsian midnight sky, thinking of a way to fall asleep without having to dream. For a boy who used to love to close his eyes, he was now afraid to let his tired mind wander. Hope and the other L'Cie have wandered about Pulse for the past few days, unsure of where to go and what to do. It seemed that the situation itself was hopeless and the only one that had any shred of faith left in their heart was Vanille. Hope wanted to believe in her, as he believed in Lightning, as he believed in his mother, Nora Estheim...the woman that haunted his dreams.

Today would've been her birthday.

Whenever he stared into those dark green eyes, it was like looking in the mirror. Her voice was one that calmed his soul, now it only disturbed him. While he may have seemed to be strong in front of the others, he was scared to sleep at night. It was during that time where he felt at his most lonesome, in a world he barely understood, fighting a fight he wasn't sure he wanted to be apart of. He may have told Lightning differently, but she was the only one he truly felt safe around. He was scared of losing her, scared of being alone in this world. He wanted to show her he was strong, to make his mother proud to have given him life, but sometimes he wasn't so sure.

Hope sat up, his arms wrapped around his being. It was cold, damp, and due to their situation, there was nothing to cover themselves but their own clothing. Everyone tried crowding themselves around the fire, but tonight Hope felt more comfortable staying away from the main party. While everyone treated him as their own, the feeling of being the outsider suited him well. He was the one that was pulled into the madness, the one who didn't have an agenda to begin with. He stared at each person that slept before him, feeling the familiar barrier that separated him from them. This was the same barrier that kept him from his father...the barrier that didn't exist with his mother.

Nora had a knack for understanding people. She was sensitive to the needs of others and knew exactly what to say to put them at ease. Hope always admired that about his mother. He loved how graceful she was to others; how she managed to place a smile on his face even when he wanted to bask in his own sadness. Nora wouldn't accept self-pity as an option; she would find a way through his facade and find the real him. Only she knew the real him.

_ Am I the real me?_ Hope asked his self. _Am I being me, or am I being what these people expect me to be? I want to please them so much...to make them proud of me, but am I proud of myself? I'm fighting a war I know nothing about; I stand by the side of people that I barely even know. I trust a woman who once considered me to be useless. Do I miss you so much, mom that I'm using her as a replacement? Is my relationship with Lightning an excuse to try and get over you? If this is to be true, does this make me a bad person?_

Hope barely noticed the tears the fell along his tender cheeks as he drew his knees to his chest. For the first times in days he felt loss. His father always said a man without a purpose was one who ceased to exist. Everyone else in this group had something to fight for: Lightning and Snow had Serah, Sazh had his son, and Fang and Vanille had each other. Who did he have? What did he have to look forward to when this was over, his estranged relationship with his father? He didn't want to go through the motions of dealing with the void that now existed in his family. Nora was the bridge that brought Hope and his father together, and now that bridge was destroyed.

It was ironic that his name meant something that he at the moment didn't possess. Some may call him a "wuss" for feeling this way, "emo", or any other names that defined his moments of weakness. The truth of the matter is that most people couldn't even begin to understand the kind of the loss he faced. How many people could hold in the loss of someone dear to them while being thrown in the middle of a war? There was no time to grieve, no time to sort out one's feelings. He remembered how his friends from his neighborhood would make fun of characters from TV shows and movies that lost their loved ones. They criticized the emotional actions of the characters, calling them weak and useless. It was so easy to have an opinion about something that one could relate to, to pass judgment over something that never happened to you. Those who did such things were weak themselves, cowards who were afraid of their own feelings.

Hope began to imagine those same children making fun of him. He could see their fingers pointing at him, teasing him about the vulnerabilities that he now wielded. Everyone else was so much stronger than him. They carried the weight of his sorrow while dealing with their own demons and here he was sitting here feeling sorry for himself?

_ Good work Estheim, _he thought to himself. _No wonder 'she' thinks of you as someone who needs to be protected..._

Hope could no longer hold back the tears.

_ Mom...why?_

_

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_

Lightning awakened to the sound of sobbing. Not knowing who where it came from, she carefully observed the sleeping bodies surrounding her. Everyone was sleeping peacefully, except Hope whose back was turned to her. Judging from the muffled sounds and the shaking of his body, Lightning could tell he was the one crying. At first she was confused to as why he would be doing such a thing, but she then realized why. She couldn't expect Hope to hold it in the whole time. The battles they fought, the revelations they witnessed, and the trials they overcame thus far were just adding fuel to the fire. How Hope managed to carry the weight on his young shoulders showed Lightning just how strong he really was. He was allowed to break down in private, to release the sorrow from the dark corners of his heart. All she could think about was sharing his pain, to shelter him from true loneliness.

Crawling past a snoring Fang holding a peaceful Vanille, Lightning made her way over to Hope.

"Hey," she greeted softly, her hand resting on his shoulder.

Hope sniffed for a second, barely able to turn his head around. "Hey Light," he said, his voice devoid of any life. "I'm sorry you have to see me like this. You must be a little disappointed, huh?

Lightning's heart sank when she heard those words come from his mouth. He made her off to be like some kind of ice queen, which in reality she wasn't. She knew it was a mask she wore in order to keep others at a distance, but at the moment Hope was the center of her universe. She would do anything to make him feel at ease right now.

Rubbing his back gently, Lightning began to speak. "You don't have to hide your emotions from me, Hope. In some ways I can imagine the pain you're feeling. You never had a chance to mourn the loss of your mother. We always would rush from one objective to the next, but we never stopped and thought about the feelings and emotions of those who we were traveling with. I, Snow, and Sazh do our best, but the it's the possibility of Serah and Dajh returning that is our driving force. Your mother is never coming back..." Lightning pointed a finger to Hope's heart. "But she'll always exist within there. No Fal'cie or crystallization is ever going to change that."

Hope sniffed while he considered the meaning of Lightning's words. "I feel disassociated from the rest of you. You all have something worth fighting for. I want to fight for my father and the future we could have...but sometimes I think that's not enough. There's something missing, a hole that will never be filled, a piece that will never be replaced."

Lightning stroked the boy's hair. "You mean your mother."

"Yes. I always pushed my father away. He would make these promises, but work would get in the way. I always depended on my mother more than my father. After Palompolum, I don't know if I can live with him. I'll visit him and protect him when need be, but it'll be weird with my mother gone. You know what's funny, Light?"

Lightning raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"Today is her birthday."

Lightning paused for a moment and closed her eyes. Memories of her father kissing her mother came to mind. Serah always loved seeing daddy kissing mommy. She would claim 'that's how you knew they were in love'.

"You want to know what's funny about that Hope?" she asked.

"What?"

"Today is my parents' anniversary." Lightning could feel teardrops running along her cheek. Hope caught wind of this and turned around, sadness still evident in his face.

"Light, you don't have to cry..."

Lightning shook her head, refusing to wipe her tears away. "It's okay Hope. I think I want to cry. I wouldn't forgive myself if you had to go through this alone..."

Hope shook his head. "I'm not alone Light. I have you right here..." Hope raised his hand to wipe the tears from her eyes. He knew she wasn't just crying for herself, but for him. She was mourning Nora Estheim just like he was now mourning her parents. They needed this, they needed to share each other's pain. For so long Lightning suffered alone, while Hope separated himself from society. Hope would do what he could to make her happy, even if that meant...

"Hey Light."

"Yeah?"

"When this is over and we save Cocoon, I want to live with you. I want to be with you, Serah, Snow, and my father. I want to protect you all, to show you how much I care. I want to grow up with you by my side...I don't think I can exist doing anything else. Light...I need you. Not in the way I needed my mother...but in a way...well..." Hope could feel his self blushing.

Lightning sensed this and giggled a little. The boy clearly had a little crush on her, but his words had truth in them. He did need her, and to be honest, she needed him. It was Hope that helped her see the light, the truth that unveiled the lie she was living since the death of her parents. This fourteen year old boy in a short time has become her pillar of strength.

Before she knew it, Lighting did the unexpected. Leaning in closely, she softly pressed her lips against his, leaving them there for a while. Hope, who was caught off guard, soon relaxed and wrapped his arms around Lightning. Before he could enjoy what was in fact his first kiss, she pulled away. Hope tried to speak, but Lightning placed a finger to his lips.

"You said before about not having something to fight for, well now you do. When you feel like it's the end and you need to dig deep down inside, think of this moment. Think of what we just did and what you said before I kissed you. I want to be the one you fight for Hope. I also want you to fight for your beliefs, your family, including the legacy of your mother. Fight for her past..." Lightning turned red before she continued. "And fight for _our _future. You may have to wait a couple of years...but fight for what _could _be."

Hope froze in Lightning's embrace, trying to soak in what just happened. Here he was making a declaration of his feelings and here she goes turning the tables. It wasn't a bad thing...but he was surprised. Were they now a couple! No, but maybe...just maybe when all of this was over...

"I'll fight for you Lightning. I'll protect you and save Serah."

"Claire."

"Huh?"

"When we're like this...call me Claire." Lightning kissed the boy on the forehead, and pressed his head against her chest, running her hands through his hair.

"O-okay..." Hope closed his eyes, basking in the warmth of Lightning's body. "Claire?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

_ Two words instead of three, huh? _Lightning thought to herself. She knew what he wanted to say, and she knew just how to respond.

"You're welcome."

The two stranded souls held each other close, finding warmth in the cold wilderness of Gran Pulse. Hope no longer felt the void in his heart, but rather an indescribable solace generated by the comfort of a quiet storm.

_ Happy birthday mother._

_ Happy anniversary mom and dad._

_** FIN**_

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A/N: This is a lil something while I'm writing chapters for Smooth Criminal and Duality. Something inside of me just had to write this lil one shot. To get somewhat personal, when I first started playing FF 13 my mother passed away. It was also the time someone very dear to me entered back into my life and helped me deal with void in my own heart. A month after losing my mother, it was my parents' anniversary. I never expected to relate to a character like Hope (my friends think I'm more like ), but other than Cloud he's become my favorite FF character in the series. I understand his feeling of loss, the awkwardness with his father (parallel to the dysfunction I have with my own), and the inability to express himself because of the fact that life waits for no adult or child. FF 13 has some of the best character development in the business, and I don't get the hate so-called RPG fans have against it. Perhaps it's because the females are more bad ass then the Anyways, thanks for reading this personal piece of writing and until next time...


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